VICTORIA – Self-dubbed “marketing aficionado” Lester Plant is beginning to worry his friends and family, as he becomes increasingly covered in serious burns in an effort to step up his personal branding.
“Am I in constant pain and at risk of infection? Sure,” explained Plant. “But in this day and age, your personal branding is the most valuable currency you can carry.”
Plant then bit down on a wooden stick and applied a searing hot iron to the one portion of his upper left bicep that remained undamaged.
Loved ones and doctors have sat Plant down to try and explain the dangers involved in his behaviour and that the concept of personal branding has far more to do with marketing than it does with scorching layers of skin beyond repair.
Others, mostly Plant, argue that being the “Burnt Up Guy” is an incredibly new and fresh brand to put forth and that Plant should stay the course.
“It’s definitely working, even if the blisters are getting out of control,” beamed a wincing Plant. “See, this looks super promising: I just got offered a ton of money from something called PusFetish.com.”
