Marineland rebrands by being cruel to all animals, not just whales - The Beaverton
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Marineland rebrands by being cruel to all animals, not just whales

NIAGARA FALLS – Officials at are adopting a new strategy in branding by being cruel to all of the animals, rather than just the marine mammals.

“The mistreatment of the orcas and belugas get all of the attention; it’s like people forget that we’re imprisoning exotic birds, deer, and black bears,” explained Marineland’s owner John Holer. “We had to make sure that the media and the inspectors were paying attention to the entire park rather than just the aquarium. But, with the help of my former employees and my shotgun, the ‘land’ is now back in ‘Marineland.’”

Holer hopes to streamline the cruelty process by placing the and bears in the same enclosure.

“Whether it’s whale, bear, caribou, or “other’, all animals express a deep, appalling sadness with their eyes in exactly the same way,” Holer added.

The public has appeared to be receptive to the new corporate image change.

“I didn’t even know Marineland had peacocks,” said amusement park enthusiast Diana Cicos reading the OSPCA report. “I was really distracted by all the thrilling tricks from the sea lions and how that one dolphin was showing its belly for hours. How it holds its breath for that long sure beats me! Next time I’ll be sure to see the bears!”

According to sources, Holer has reassured OSPCA officials that the bears will be fed with only the finest seal bones.