NEW YORK CITY–Following the Liberals’ recent push for a Canadian seat on the UN Security Council, sources have confirmed seeing Justin Trudeau waiting in a short, silk robe outside the luxurious hotel suite of UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon, his eyes showing a mixture of nerves and excitement.
“I asked him if he was alright,” said hotel cleaner Greta Lemieux, “And he just said he couldn’t wait to give Ban the most intimate, profound international diplomacy he’s ever felt show.”
“Then he sort of just bit his lip and brushed his hair out of his face shyly.”
Speculation about Trudeau’s campaign for the seat was heightened when it came to light that a raspy-voiced, jaded-looking Paul Martin was heard urging the alluring yet innocent Trudeau over drinks to “make the most of that new PM capital while you’ve got it.”
“Look, if you want to be the best peacekeeper in town, sometimes you have to pay the piper,” the former PM and finance minister reportedly told Trudeau before taking a long drag from his cigarette, perched delicately between his fingers in a black plastic holder.
Trudeau was spotted practicing for the encounter by slowly crossing and uncrossing his legs and running an ice cube slowly down his bare chest.
At press time, the door had opened to reveal a glimpse of a record player and a bottle of scotch, with the faint strain of a solo saxophone floating down the hall as Trudeau stepped inside.
