TORONTO – The NBA has announced that former Police lead singer and prominent lute enthusiast Sting will headline the halftime show at the upcoming All Star Game in Toronto after one official overheard superstar LeBron James mention that he digs the song Roxanne.
“Originally we were going to go with one of Toronto’s many successful, diverse recording artists like the Weekend or K’Naan,” said commissioner Adam Silver, “but when LeBron James casually mentioned enjoying Sting’s music to a teammate it was like BAM!, decision made.”
“The process was actually quite similar to how the Cavaliers decided to fire their coach,” Silver added.
The decision was further cemented when the NBA looked at Sting’s discography. They felt ‘Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic’ would appeal to Orlando players, ‘Russians’ would bring in the Eastern European demographic, and ‘Don’t Stand So Close To Me’ would help remind players not to commit technical fouls.
As for concerns that a white, British singer was not the ideal choice for a Canadian event featuring predominantly black athletes, Silver would only laugh.
“Have you even listened to ‘Walking On The Moon’? The man is all about reggae.”
Reached for comment Sting said he was excited for the opportunity.
“I’ve never actually watched basketball. But that’s only because I spend most of my time tuning my lute and having tantric sex with my wife. I figure by playing halftime, I’ll finally get to check this thing out.”
LeBron himself seemed confused by the decision.
“Sting, oh yeah. He has that song Roxanne right? The one about the girl who changes with every new day?”
Upon being advised that he was actually thinking of the Rolling Stones’ ‘Ruby Tuesday’ James said, “Right! Right. That is the one I meant.”
At press time the NBA was checking to see if the Stones were available.
