AJAX – Following the revelation that the deceased Syrian child depicted in a now-famous photograph was denied a Canadian refugee claim, Federal Immigration Minister Chris Alexander has assured voters that, if given the chance to do it all over again, he would have denied a different child’s refugee claim.
“One hundred percent,” added Alexander. “And ideally, one that wasn’t forced to flee a deadly war zone that Canada played an active role in creating.”
Alexander elaborated on all the choices we would have made differently now that the results have become politically inconvenient.
“I definitely wouldn’t have denied the application when it was hand-delivered to me earlier this year. I wouldn’t have instinctively tried to blame the CBC for this crisis on national television. Oh, and I probably wouldn’t have publicly lectured Ontario about providing healthcare to refugee claimants in 2014.”
He paused, then shrugged. “Coulda, woulda, shoulda.”
Alexander did however assure voters that the Conservatives will work to fulfill their new commitment to save 10,000 refugees, on the condition that Canadians re-elect them to a healthy majority. “Tit for tat,” he explained. “That’s how humanitarianism works.”
Asked if it would have been possible to approve the refugee claim for the deceased boy, as well as the hypothetical other child Alexander would deny in his place, the minister was firm.
“By approving two refugee claims, that would bring us dangerously close to meeting last year’s target of 10,000 refugees. You see the bind that would put us in.” Reflecting on the media and public backlash, Alexander then pledged to learn from this debacle going forward.
“From now on I’m going to do the right thing, and follow the PMO’s directive for Conservative candidates to refuse all media interviews during the election campaign.”
