OTTAWA – Health Canada will release a series of television commercials warning Canadians about the dangers of voting for the Liberal Party.
“It’s a gateway to socialism,” said Minister of Health Rona Ambrose. “Canadian families don’t want their children growing up rolling a ballot for the Liberal Party. Just say ‘no’ to Grits.”
According to Health Canada, side effects of voting Liberal include hallucinations of a transparent government, dilated worldview, euphoria for higher taxes, Sponsorship Scandal memory loss, reduced populist reactionary time, and increased appetite for hope.
However, many doctors disagree, stating that there are many health benefits to voting Liberal, including reduced chance of incarceration and callousness.
“It’s a well known fact that the side-effects of voting Liberal have been exaggerated and can sometimes have positive health effects,” said Dr. Ella Dupliess
The four commercials worth $5 million will address themes such as voting peer pressure; one of the purported causes of voting Liberal.
“Just because my friends are going to vote Liberal doesn’t mean I have to,” says the young, blue-eyed actor portraying a chipper, vest-wearing university student in the commercial titled ‘Voting Liberal hurts more than just you.’
Another of the thirty second spots depicts a dour young man over the sound of melancholy piano notes:
“I thought it would be cool to vote for something young and hip. I just wanted to give it a try. But now, I just can’t stop. I want to regulate everything in my life. I’ve lost my friends, my family, my tax cuts. I would do anything to get them back.”
According to sources, the commercials will air next week along with another $5 million PSA titled ‘Your Brain on the NDP.’
