TORONTO — The Federal Government offered to deploy the Canadian Red Cross today in order to provide Ontario with support for its vaccination clinics and healthcare system in the midst of a debili…
Tag: vaccine
Ford: we thought having a confusing mess of vaccine registration sites would give people in lockdown something to do
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford defended the shambolic vaccine registration process this morning, noting it gives Ontarians stuck at home something to spend all their time doing. “All pandemic …
Moderna vaccine having bad reaction to Stephen Harper
CALGARY – A dose of Moderna’s COVID-19 Vaccine recently injected into the arm of former Prime Minister Stephen Harper says it is expecting serious side-effects. “From the moment…
Canada to distribute remaining vaccines through “Roll up the Rim to Win” contest
OTTAWA – After encountering difficulties with early vaccine rollouts, the Government of Canada has announced that it plans to distribute all remaining vaccines through a Tim Hortons “Roll U…
Local woman makes suspiciously late “Happy Quarantine-aversary!” post
TORONTO – Local influencer Meghan Freling made a pandemic anniversary post earlier this week on her popular instagram account, prompting friends and followers to ask whether it’s a bit late…
Ford promises Oosterhoff controversy will not distract government from the vital work of bungling vaccine distribution
TORONTO – After Tory MPP and Parliamentary Secretary Sam Oosterhoff gave a speech to a controversial anti-abortion group that recently compared a woman’s right to choose to the Holoca…
79-year old with fake ID trying to keep it cool in vaccination line
Barrie, ON – Local septuagenarian Elise Reede is reportedly trying to avoid drawing attention to her forged ID that says she’s 80 years old while she waits to receive a COVID vaccination. “…
CRA improves customer service by hanging up on every third caller
OTTAWA – In a press release issued this past Wednesday, the Canada Revenue Agency has vowed to revolutionize its beloved customer service by hanging up on even more callers. According to CRA spok…
How to continue feeling superior to Americans while watching them get the vaccine months before you
If there is one thing that has sustained Canadians through the tough times of the last year, as well as the tough times of literally every year before that, it’s our ardent belief that we a…
COVID-19 variants eager to represent their countries at the Tokyo Olympics
TOKYO, JAPAN ― Variants of SARS-COV-2 hailing from countries around the world are gearing up for the 2021 Summer Olympics. “Man, I hope they don’t postpone the Olympics again,” commented the Sout…