MILAN – A public service announcement released by the Policlinico of Milan hospital today reminded people that despite the cold weather of the winter months, they should remember to keep ad…
Tag: scientist
Scientists discover renewable energy source in mediocre white men’s confidence
VANCOUVER, BC – Hundreds of years of privilege has transformed white male confidence into a pure, clean burning source of fuel, according to a study published by the University of British C…
Scientist who claimed universe is simulation found dead in swimming pool with no ladder
PLEASANTVIEW, AB – Tragedy hit a small residential neighbourhood today when the body of one of its residents was found having seemingly drowned in a swimming pool after being unable to find…
Renowned geneticist dismisses own earlier warnings about uprising of evil clones
BRUSSELS — Pre-eminent geneticist Dr. Javier Arantes stunned colleagues at the opening of the International Academy of Life Sciences (IALS) conference with a keynote speech celebrating the potent…
Scientists develop first Asian fusion reactor
TORONTO – For the first time ever, engineers at the University of Toronto have successfully built a scalable reactor capable of cold Asian fusion. “Make no mistake, this is the most importa…
New study finds that you fucked with the wrong scientists
OTTAWA – A recent discovery has shown that you fucked with the wrong practitioners of hypothetico-deductive methodology. “As in all science, we started by formulating a question: how badly …
Kinky Canadian scientist can’t wait to be muzzled
TORONTO – While preemptively binding himself with rope, Dr. Saul Goldberg, a prominent ecologist and S&M aficionado, expressed his excitement at being completely muzzled and degraded by…
Scientists discover new species of superintelligent pig is even tastier
VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia (UBC) have discovered that a newly-engineered species of pig with superhuman intelligence and empathy tastes ‘incredible’. “At …