OTTAWA – A rumpled Prime Minister Trudeau has unveiled a bill that will forcibly bring down the price of microwaveable lasagnas, frozen chicken strips, and Kraft Dinner, among other depressed bac…
Tag: sad
5 Sarah Polley films to watch if you want to honour a great Canadian artist and have your day absolutely fucking ruined
Having taken home the Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar for Women Talking, Sarah Polley has officially graduated from precocious Canadian tv star to full Hollywood royalty. And if you want to check o…
Crying character in movie can’t find perfect wall to slide down
FAKE NEW YORK – Emma Sanford, a character in the recent Netflix romcom Here And/Or There who recently experienced an upsetting breakup, has reported being unable to find the perfect wall to…
Divorced Dad advent calendar promises big chocolate every other weekend
VANCOUVER — A new brand of advent calendar made for divorced dads by Divorced Dads features one very large chocolate every other weekend to show your child that you care just as much if not more …
Short film nominees comforted that win or lose, their work will live on in hearts of dozens
HOLLYWOOD – An Oscar nomination can bring with it tremendous accolades, career opportunities and, for nominees of the short film categories, a huge uptick in their viewership, potentially …
Local woman who bought regular grapes instead of seedless just gonna give up on whole life
BURLINGTON, ON – Last Tuesday evening, 27 year-old bartender Eva Parsons realized as she got home from a grocery run that she had bought regular grapes instead of seedless ones. At that mom…
Local woman’s Spotify Year in Review very sad, very horny
EDMONTON – Yesterday, Spotify released their annual ‘Wrapped’ feature, which reveals users’ most played music from the past year. However not all were impressed, including Jillian Langdon, …
New Canada Food Guide recommends sharing food with friends, you sad lonely fucks
TORONTO – Experts at Health Canada that loneliness is a large factor in proper nutrition, suggesting that Canadians could make huge improvements to their diets, if they stopped being such a…
BREAKING: 12 hours later, man realizes praise was sarcastic
DUNDAS, ON – A full half-day after the fact, local data entry technician Kyle Hood has locked himself in his car after realizing that the praise he received from his boss and co-workers had…
REPORT: Everyone remembers that awkward thing you did last year and they talk about it constantly
FORT MCMURRAY, AB – Confirming longtime suspicions, evidenced reports are coming in which confirm that, yes, everyone remembers that awkward thing you did last year and they talk about it c…