Caledon, Ontario – With a growing number of Canadians facing food insecurity in the face of rising prices, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Jr. recently informed the nation that if Canadians can no…
Tag: money
In historic first, Dollarama opens second cash
MONTREAL – A local Dollarama defied every expectation and opened a second cash register at the St. Laurent location in the plateau at approximately 3:44 PM on Friday. The register was open…
Doug Ford declares Monday September 19th “Cry At Your Desk Day”
TORONTO — After Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced yesterday that September 19th would be a nationwide holiday to commemorate the death of Queen Elizabeth II, Ontario Premier Doug Ford…
Inflation’s Silver Lining? Canada’s big five banks offer whopping 0.8% savings account
TORONTO — While Canadians across the country continue to suffer the crushing effects of inflation and a drastic increase in borrowing costs, a silver lining to rising interest rates has emerged a…
Home prices still at levels experts call “Oh Fuck Me”
VANCOUVER – Despite early indications some Canadian housing markets may be cooling, benchmark home prices remain well within the threshold experts call “oh fuck me”. Whether prices will de…
To stop inflation making things more expensive, Bank of Canada going to make different things more expensive
OTTAWA – To help combat record-high inflation and bring some relief to financially squeezed Canadians, The Bank of Canada announced Wednesday that they would hike the key interest rate for …
Friend who knows more about finance than you always losing money
MISSISSAUGA, ON – According to a recent analysis of financial trends within your friend group, it was revealed that your friend Liam who totally knows everything about finance is also the s…
Local vet boops a third of your savings account after routine check-up
NAPANEE – A recent trip to the vet has drained hundreds of absolute units from your bank account after it was confirmed your furbaby was in perfect health. The vet was heckin’ thrilled to …
“If gas prices are hurting your wallet so bad, why don’t you just buy a $45,000.00 electric car?” asks very helpful friend
Timmins, ON – After you mentioned how gas prices were making it impossible for you to get by financially, your very helpful and knowledgeable friend Darren suggested buying an expensive ele…
As bitcoin crashes, Poilievre vows to find new volatile fad to tie Canadian economy to
OTTAWA – In the wake of this week’s trillion dollar crypto-market meltdown, Conservative leadership candidate Pierre Poilievre has vowed to find an even riskier and more fraud-prone investm…