TORONTO – Seeking to restore a bit of familiarity to hockey fans living in such uncertain times The Toronto Maple Leafs are upholding their long-standing tradition of just shitting the bed …
Tag: Leafs
NHL chooses Toronto as hub city due its fans having most experience watching other teams win
TORONTO – The NHL said today that choosing Toronto as one of its two playoff hub cities was a “no brainer” due to Leafs’ fans long experience watching other visiting teams celebrate playoff…
Leafs scramble to find more heartwarming ways to lose
TORONTO – In the wake of emergency backup goalie David Ayres’ remarkable victory over them, and the subsequent outpouring of affection for him, the Toronto Maple Leafs are trying to c…
Angry tweet at TTC fixes decades of underfunding
TORONTO, ON — After a twitter user wrote “@TTCHelps 8 minute wait for the subway, why do MY tax dollars go towards such a lazy incompetent organization?”, years of problems caused by …
Having to watch Leafs play now considered cruel and unusual punishment
TORONTO – In a unanimous decision The Court Of Appeal For Ontario has declared that no individual ought to be forced to watch the 2019-2020 Leafs play, on account of the overwhelming levels…
‘Maybe this is the year the Leafs beat Boston,’ says delusional idiot who doesn’t know shit
TORONTO – Local man Dennis Hendricks believes this could be the year the Leafs finally end their playoff losing streak against the Boston Bruins, mostly because he’s a dumb fuck who says du…
Scotiabank Arena says ‘fuck it, 18 bucks for a bottle of water’
TORONTO – Scotiabank Arena, the home of the Toronto Raptors and Toronto Maple Leafs recently announced a change in policy in which they pledge to stop fucking around and unabashedly charge an obs…
Referee reverses call after man yells at TV loud enough
ORILLIA, ON – Upon hearing that he’d made a “bullshit call” from a distant voice that powered its way through the television screen, an NHL referee reversed his penalty decision this evenin…
Toronto Maple Leafs promise strong start to hockey season will not affect ability to lose playoffs
TORONTO, ON – Despite winning 7 out of 10 games so far this hockey season, Toronto Maple Leafs Head Coach Sheldon Keefe reassured fans that the team’s impressive performance will not impact their…
Young, ambitious Leafs GM hopes to climb the ladder to better NHL teams
TORONTO – 32-year-old Kyle Dubas has accepted a temporary gig as General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs hoping to gain some valuable experience before he moves on to a more successful t…