EDMONTON – Thirty years into a Stanley Cup drought that has seen countless near-misses and heartbreaks, Canadian hockey fans have announced plans to wait until the last possible moment to be conf…
Tag: hockey
“You should root for the Oilers because they’re Canadian,” says man who has confused this with the fucking Olympics
TORONTO/CALGARY/VANCOUVER/MONTREAL/OTTAWA/WINNIPEG – Casual hockey fan David Hildebrandt was surprised to discover that you are not routing for the Canadian team in the Stanley Cup Finals, …
Oilers fans not sure what’s worse: losing Cup or realizing Leafs fans were right about how good Atlantic Division is
EDMONTON – Down 3-0 to the Florida Panthers, Edmonton Oilers fans report they don’t know what is making them feel worse: the possibility of being swept out of the Stanley Cup Finals, …
Oilers plan to damage Florida Panthers’ morale by forcing them to visit Edmonton
EDMONTON – With the 2024 Stanley Cup Finals fast approaching, sources close to the Edmonton Oilers have confirmed that the team has a new strategy for victory – namely, hoping the Flo…
NHL schedules Stanley Cup Final Game One for August long weekend
Sunrise, FL – The Edmonton Oilers and Florida Panthers are set to face off in the 2024 Stanley Cup Final, which will begin just over two months after the conclusion of the Conference Finals. Some…
“Teams in states with no income tax have an unfair advantage” says adorable rube who thinks NHL players pay tax like normal people
Windsor, ON – Local NHL fan/non-accountant Mark Wilinsky has determined that the reason teams like Tampa, Florida and Vegas are consistently good is because they play in states with no stat…
Celebratory Edmonton Oilers spray locker room with unrefined bitumen as they advance to Stanley Cup Final
EDMONTON – Following a 2-1 victory over the Dallas Stars, the Edmonton Oilers celebrated their advancement to the 2024 Stanley Cup Final by spraying their entire locker room with hundreds o…
Toronto women’s hockey team already choking at an elite level
TORONTO – In a collapse worthy of the Maple Leafs, Toronto’s PWHL team has been eliminated from the playoffs after blowing a commanding 2-0 series lead in their best-of-5 semifinal against Minnes…
Kris Knoblauch flips big switch in office from ‘split up McDavid and Draisaitl’ to ‘play McDavid and Draisaitl together’
EDMONTON – With the Oilers facing elimination in their series with the Vancouver Canucks, Oilers head coach Kris Knoblauch has taken the bold choice to flip the big red switch in his office…
Toronto’s expansion WNBA franchise mathematically certain to win their league championship before Leafs do
TORONTO – Former MLSE chair Larry Tanenbaum is reportedly set to bring an expansion WNBA franchise to Toronto for the start of the 2026 season, who will undoubtedly win their league champio…
