BARRIE – In the wake of a population boom, the Province of Ontario is proud to announce that the middle finger has been tapped as the “Official Bird” of their roadways. “For years, you cou…
Tag: Highway
Doug Ford announces new highway that will exclusively deliver money to property development donors
BRADFORD, ON — Today Premier Doug Ford announced a new highway project which will exclusively allow passage for armoured cars delivering large piles of cash to the wealthy real estate magna…
Hastily drawn Tim Hortons Smile Cookie pleads for death at hand of cruel creator
COBURG, ON – With the end of Tim Hortons Smile Cookie Week approaching, one cookie in particular cried out for the sweet release of death after being drawn quickly by an employee during the…
Kidnappers arrested for taking the girl out of the country, but not the country out of the girl
TORONTO – Yesterday afternoon, David Watts and Reggie Gormley were arrested and jailed after abducting 25-year-old Kaylyn Wilkins from her farm the night before and bringing her into the city. Th…
Canada geese crossing highway fully aware of traffic jam they’re causing
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Local woman suggests stopping at the ‘good’ ONroute
PORT HOPE, ON – After repeatedly being asked to pull over so that her driving companion could go pee, Hannah Weisman insisted on forgoing several rest stops in favour of the ‘good’ ONroute.…
Gardiner fan “stoked to finally pay this sick highway what it deserves”
TORONTO – Self-proclaimed “Gardiner nut” Candace Matthews was thrilled when Toronto mayor John Tory proposed road tolls for her favourite highway earlier this week. “I always felt bad using…
