CAPE CANAVERAL – Astronaut Jeremy Hansen, a colonel in the RCAF, will become the first Canadian to orbit the moon in an effort to find affordable housing. “Catherine and I have three kids, …
Tag: GTA
Study: Drivers debating between Express and Collectors choose slower one 100% of the time
TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has concluded that people driving on the 401 near Toronto choosing between the Express and Collectors lanes choose the slower option every…
New Grand Theft Auto game allows players to make website that rates women, destabilizes democracy for profit
NEW YORK – Rockstar Games has announced their next instalment of the successful Grand Theft Auto video game series will allow players to create a website that rates the attractiveness of wo…
Ford: “Ontario to slowly re-open COVID-19 outbreaks”
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced his government will be carefully re-opening the province to COVID-19 outbreaks. With over 200 new cases reported yesterday, the premier s…
Friend who moved to suburbs really wants you to come visit sometime
Oakville, ON – Ryan, your buddy from University who recently moved to the Toronto suburb of Oakville has texted you for the fourth time this month that you should totally come over and visi…
Norm Kelly’s Twitter account revealed to be run by rapping cartoon dog
TORONTO – Ending years of speculation, he ghostwriter behind Toronto city councillor Norm Kelly’s wildly popular Twitter account, @Norm, was revealed earlier today to be local rapping carto…
The Beer Store launches delivery service in Scarborough to comfort citizens forced to live in Scarborough
SCARBOROUGH — Starting Tuesday, residents in Scarborough will be able to have their beer delivered straight to their door, saving them from having to go out into the barren suburban sprawl …
Rob Ford’s proposed Subway extension to bring 18-inch sandwiches to Scarborough
SCARBOROUGH – After years of uncertainty, the City of Toronto finally has enough dough for a Subway plan that will increase the size of the Footlong by six inches. The project, part of a broader …
Toronto considers building new casino to raise revenue
The Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation claims a casino built within the GTA will bring the city new jobs and billions of dollars, but some critics worry it will only bring social problems. Wh…
Ford to slay Toronto’s Dragon of Wasteful Spending
ETOBICOKE, ON – Recently elected Mayor Rob Ford has announced plans to single-handedly slay Toronto’s Dragon of Wasteful Spending, a 44 headed monster weighing over 21.3 billion tonne…