TORONTO – Canada’s Largest Fashion Fabric Distributor Fabricland says it will be shutting its doors now that its largest customer, Don Cherry, has been fired from by Sportsnet. Over 5…
Tag: Don Cherry
Man voted 7th greatest Canadian of all time says 845th racist thing
TORONTO – Donald ‘Grapes’ Cherry, a failed hockey coach and current hockey commentator who Canadians saw fit to vote as the 7th greatest Canadian of all time, is under fire for saying a rac…
Sportsnet reminds viewers of its zero-consequence-for-racism policy
TORONTO – Sportsnet has responded to Don Cherry’s recent comments towards immigrants by reminding fans that it has a zero-consequence policy for anything racist the host says. “We strongly …
Nation’s loud, uninformed uncles line up to replace Don Cherry
TORONTO — With Rogers Sportsnet announcing that it has terminated Don Cherry’s Hockey Night In Canada contract following his recent on-air comments about immigrants, interest in the job has…
Kingston residents shocked to discover terror plot not the fault of Queen’s students
KINGSTON – After a local teen was arrested on suspicion of a terrorist plot, residents were baffled to discover the incident had no apparent connection with Queen’s University or its students. “Y…
Don Cherry woken from cryosleep as NHL season kicks off
TORONTO – As puck drop on the 2018-2019 NHL season approaches, and the first Hockey Night in Canada only days away, CBC employees completed their annual duty of waking Don Cherry from the c…
Canadian Mint running dangerously low on shit to print on quarters
OTTAWA – The Royal Canadian Mint declared a state of crisis this week, announcing that they have nearly run out of ideas for pictures to print on the quarter. “The mint has a proud history …
Dust blown off Porky’s tapes from coast to coast as nation celebrates Canadian Film Day
OTTAWA – Canadians from all across the country came together to celebrate Canadian Film Day by digging their old VHS copies of 1981 sex comedy Porky’s out from storage. “Porky’s wasn’t my f…
Don Cherry’s Rock ’em Sock ’em 5 added to Doomsday Vault
Spitsbergen, Norway – The Svalbard Global Seed Vault in the remote Arctic archipelago of Spitsbergen will be adding 10 VHS copies of Don Cherry’s Rock ‘em Sock ‘em 5 to safeguard against ca…
Don Cherry’s personal support worker to host Hockey Night in Canada
TORONTO – Don Cherry’s personal care worker has learned that he will be the host of Hockey Night in Canada replacing George Stroumboulopoulos. The support worker, simply known as “Ron”, has…