SCARBOROUGH – Sellers and customers at the Scarborough Winter Market were blown away after long-time vendor Tyler Shen sold nearly half a dozen wooden doohickeys in a single day. “When I saw his …
Tag: Capitalism
“Can’t complain,” says cashier who’ll get fired if she complains
TORONTO — Sam Baquiran, cashier at a Shoppers Drug Mart on Pape and Danforth, recently had a customer ask how she was doing. “Can’t complain,” she responded, given that she’ll lose her job if she…
Capitalism win! Local man’s day off busier than his day on
TORONTO, ON — In a landmark win for capitalism, a local Torontonian man finds himself busier on his two days off than on the five days he’s at work. “I think this feels right,” said Gary Ma. “I w…
Nine percent rise in gas prices forces CEO to triple own salary
Irving, Texas – CEOs from oil and gas companies are suffering just like the rest of us, so much so that in light of rising inflation and “other stuff,” they’ve been forced to triple their y…
Report: Companies moving toward hybrid model where employees work from home part-time but live in office
TORONTO — As normalcy slowly returns to the corporate world, a growing number of companies are taking to heart the lessons learned during the pandemic and allowing returning staff to work from ho…
Tooth Fairy e-transfers kid in quarantine 25 cents
PICKERING – The Tooth Fairy, unable to be physically present to exchange baby teeth for loose change due to COVID protocols, has instead sent an e-transfer of 25 cents to Billy McIntosh, ag…
Crazy conspiracy theorist believes eight wealthiest people control more money than 3.5 billion poorest
Sudbury, ON – Observers report that local crackpot Fred Lewis is at it again, insisting to anyone who will listen that eight rich men somehow own more of the world than the 3.5 billion poor…
But if we raise the minimum wage to $15 an hour, how will I know that I’m better than my fellow man?
By: Dave Heder, construction worker This week Ontario’s new PC government announced they were freezing a plan to raise the minimum wage to $15.00 an hour by 2019. Already a lot of people ha…
Adam Smith’s invisible hand files for disability benefits
EDINBURGH – After 250 years of its suffering going unseen, Adam Smith’s invisible hand has decided to seek help and file for disability benefits. “I tried to solve my own problems, I really did,”…