Harry Potter themed wedding begins with murder of groom’s parents
FREDERICTON – The themed wedding of Jane Danson and Peter Hartford, set in the wizarding world of Harry Potter, was reported to be “beautiful” and “heartwarming” despite the ceremony commen…
Kentucky Derby won by brown horsey
LOUISVILLE – The 2015 Kentucky Derby has been won by a handsome pony with a beautiful mane and soft, shiny coat. “It was magical,” said NBC analyst Randy Moss. “The horsey was so fast and f…
Kate Middleton immediately pregnant again
LONDON – Fans of the Royal Family across the Commonwealth rejoiced this afternoon as Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, announced she was once again pregnant, just hours after the birth …
Old woman looking at photo album with grandchildren just making it up as she goes
CAMBRIDGE, ON – At Green Lake Retirement Community on Thursday, Bertha Hallsworth, 82, was just making up names and stories about the pictures of people while looking at a photo album with …
Riot photographer asks peaceful protestors to get out of his shot
BALTIMORE – Freelance photographer Erik Meiteen, known for his shots of looters in Ferguson, had a great chance to document the “shocking” and “apocalyptic” levels of violence network news …
White man pretty sure he needs to weigh in on this conversation
TORONTO – As racial tensions rise, LGBTQ issues become mainstream, and women’s rights are attacked, local Caucasian male Robert Wiser finally feels he has been silent for long enough. “I th…
Former high school sweet hearts reunite 30 lbs later
Mississauga, ON – Former high school sweethearts, Ashley Richards and Derek Knobely, have reignited their love after he gained 20 pounds and she added several inches to her waistline. “Orig…
Ethics watchdog bribes MPs to reduce corruption
OTTAWA – After fruitlessly trying to get MPs to vote in favour of tighter conflict of interest rules, Ethics Commissioner Mary Dawson has decided to ‘grease the wheels a little bit’. “I did…
Turkish President commemorates 100 years since absolutely nothing happened
ANKARA – President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan called a press conference yesterday to once again draw attention to how very little happened 100 years ago. “Nothing happened, not to the Armenians n…
Stephen Harper’s granddaughter travels through time to warn nation
OTTAWA – At 10:03 this morning, a flash of light appeared on Parliament Hill producing the glowing white aura of a young woman claiming to be the granddaughter of Prime Minister Stephen Har…
