The Beaverton to launch Ontario News Net to compete with Ford’s fake news channel

TORONTO – The Beaverton, North America’s Most Trusted Source of News, will be launching its own version of the Ontario PC government’s “Ontario News Now.” Ontario News Net will provide TV-n…

Caribana to be replaced by ‘Scotiabank Celebration Of Noise Complaints’

TORONTO – Following the last-minute cancellation of the popular Caribana event Carnival Kingdom, city officials have decided that next year, instead of the Toronto Caribbean Carnival Parade…

Canada’s arms-for-human rights trade agreement somehow faltering in Saudi Arabia

RIYADH – Canada’s trade strategy of arms-for-human rights hit a snag on Sunday when the Saudi government expelled the Canadian Ambassador and suspended any new business after asking for the…

Fat guy has a lot of nicknames

CALGARY – Local overweight man, Chuck “Tiny” Dunkirk, has noticed that his friends have found no shortage of quirky nicknames that exploit his most noticeable feature. “Nicknames are a great way …

4th layer of sunscreen slathered onto child wearing hat, sunglasses and welder’s mask

ST ANDREWS, NB –  Three-year-old Gillian O’Shea was successfully coated in a fourth layer of sunscreen today before her family’s trip to the beach, “just to be safe,” according to her fathe…

Trinity Bellwoods Park introduces bottle service

TORONTO – In partnership with Smirnoff Citrus TM one of Toronto’s most popular parks to get totally hammered in, Trinity Bellwoods, is implementing bottle service at all its picnic tables. “For y…

Breaking: Man kicked off basic income pilot project still can’t afford beer

Hamilton, ON – In the wake of the Ford government’s statement that it was bringing ‘Buck a Beer’ back to Ontario by Labour Day, resident and, until this week, recipient of Ontario’s Basic I…

Going out of business sale really highlighting why business failed

VANCOUVER – A local lawn ornament store is holding a going out of business sale that neighbours in the area are saying does a great job showcasing all the reasons the business was a ridicul…

Friend has the balls to schedule wedding on long weekend

London, ON – Reports from the area have indicated that local man Steve Marchand had the sheer audacity to hold his wedding to Lisa Braxton on the Saturday of the August long weekend. “The b…

Nation shares a laugh after remembering what Boris Johnson looks like

CANADA — Following reports that former UK Foreign Minister Boris Johnson has been building an alliance with Trump advisor Steve Bannon, his recent departure from Parliament, and numerous ot…