Health Canada announces that dudes who wear shorts all winter will get vaccine last
OTTAWA – Health Canada announced this morning that they have come up with their official vaccine pecking order and, as expected, those dudes who insist on wearing shorts all winter will get…
“This ain’t my first rodeo,” brags man who has never even met a cow
TORONTO – After listening to a coworker explain a simple solution to a tax problem yesterday, accountant Jim Barnes was overheard confidently shooting down the advice and declaring “Listen, this …
As pandemic deaths skyrocket in Whoville, The Grinch is dubbed self-isolation hero
WHOVILLE – Last Tuesday, many who have spoken out on quarantining during the COVID-19 pandemic have taken to Twitter to praise The Grinch for his preparedness amid the news that Whovillians…
Nation’s uncles scramble to pre-record racist rant in time for Christmas dinner
NATIONWIDE – As COVID restrictions tighten and the uncertainty of family gatherings looms, uncles across Canada are scrambling to pre-record their racist rants for extended families to enjo…
Local Buddhist parents frustrated as child desires nothing for Christmas
NORTH DELTA – Local parents Leonard Durry and Evan Takada, practising Buddhists and parents of Avyda Durry-Takada, age 8, have been stymied by their daughter’s total lack of interest in rec…
Erin O’Toole accomplishes seemingly impossible task of being less likeable than Andrew Scheer
OTTAWA – In the wake of defending Canada’s barbaric residential school system while giving a talk to Ryerson Conservative students about how best to own the libs, Conservative leader …
Woman who forgot to do laundry reluctantly puts on clown suit
TORONTO – Ashley Greenfield woke up this morning to discover that after weeks of putting off doing laundry and hand-washing her underwear in the sink, she was officially out of wearable clothing.…
Erin O’Toole claims residential schools were just “Hogwarts for Indigenous kids”
OTTAWA – During a Zoom call with students from Ryerson University, Conservative Party of Canada leader Erin O’Toole informed young conservatives that they should stop thinking of Canada’s r…
“Shop local” posts man who bought book from Indigo instead of Amazon
REGINA – Local man Aidan Waite is encouraging all his friends and family to stay away from Amazon when doing their holiday shopping, and instead support local mom and pop shops like Indigo …
BC health officials reveal that $7M of defective masks were purchased off Wish.com
VICTORIA – The BC Health department has issued a warning to citizens regarding the dangers of ordering products from e-commerce marketplace Wish.com. The BC Health department recently orde…
