Woman who stopped using self-deprecating humor not really funny anymore 

VANCOUVER-  Authorities and loved ones of local woman Ashley Calpeski became concerned last week when she stopped saying self-deprecating things about herself and started being no fun. “Ashley is…

Serial Killer hoping to continue working remotely at least part time

HILLSIDE FALLS – Local serial killer, Stanley “The Hillside Reaper” Chisolm, has reported experiencing mixed emotions regarding the reopening of workplaces, hoping to maintain work-from-home for …

Grocery bag really excited to become garbage bag

OTTAWA – A report coming from the nation’s bathrooms and under the kitchen sinks have found that your plastic grocery bag is really excited to be used as a garbage bag. “Mih Yinkd hah…

Dad does dad thing

A CANADIAN SUBURB – Multiple sources are reporting that John Jackson, a local father of three, is going to spend the day performing an activity associated with his status as a dad. “I can’t wait …

Fake doctors take brave stand against real medicine

VANCOUVER – The B.C. College of Chiropractors, firmly rejecting the scientific method in favor of treatment by loud bone-cracking sounds, voted overwhelmingly against a vaccine mandate at t…

Childhood home sold to lovely young numbered holding company

BRAMPTON – Local family the Feldmans have recently sold their beloved 2-story bungalow to a charming, newly-incorporated holding company. “Our family made a lot of memories in that home,” e…

Unvaccinated Toronto Police officers on unpaid leave told that if they wanted paid leave they should have shot somebody

TORONTO – Over one hundred uniformed members of the Toronto Police Services who have not been vaccinated have been placed on unpaid leave after being informed they did not meet the brutalit…

Red Cross to support Alberta by airlifting Jason Kenney to another province

SHERWOOD PARK – In an attempt to quell the deadly fourth wave of COVID-19 still sweeping through the province of Alberta, the Red Cross has announced that it will be stepping in to offer em…

Single drop of sweat falls down local dad’s face as he tells daycare worker his child doesn’t have runny nose

TORONTO – As local father Jalen Hart told the worker asking COVID checklist questions at the front entrance of the Little Tot’s Playhouse daycare that his child Marcus did not have a …

Canadian mothers reject Omicron variant: “We have perfectly good Delta at home!”

CANADA – Canadian mothers are soundly rejecting the new Omicron variant spreading across the globe on the grounds that we already have more than enough Delta variant at home.  “The man on t…