Ford government to introduce self-serve hospital beds

QUEEN’S PARK – As Ontario hospitals find themselves ill-equipped and under-staffed to treat skyrocketing COVID numbers, Premier Doug Ford announced a new line of self-serve hospital beds to…

Unvaccinated truckers demand Canada’s government change US government’s rules on unvaccinated truckers

VANCOUVER – Hundreds of truckers took to the road to demand the reversal of the federal Canadian government’s US federal government’s decision to not allow unvaccinated truckers into the Un…

“Probs just urine,” says woman who sat in wet seat on bus

VANCOUVER, BC – On her commute to work, 30-year-old mother and elementary school teacher, Mya Diaz, sat in a wet seat on her B-Line bus, but reassured herself that the mysterious fluid was …

As Russia prepares to invade Ukraine, West rapidly deploys stockpile of vague condemnations

BRUSSELS – In light of Russia’s aggressive military buildup near the Ukrainian border, Western nations have ordered their stockpiles of vague condemnations to be placed at the highest…

Ontario schools really hoping to score a coveted 100% on their PCR tests

ETOBICOKE, ON – As students head back to school across the province, Ontario is holding out hope for a coveted 100% on their symptomatic COVID-19 PCR tests. “Of all the province-wide standa…

Failed artist excited for career in real estate

VANCOUVER – Failed playwright Jacob Jones was gleeful today after passing his real estate exam. While Jones’ ambition to see his work premier on Broadway – or even at a local Fringe F…

Nova Scotian school changes name from ‘Prince Andrew’ to more respectable ‘Randy from Trailer Park Boys High’

DARTMOUTH, NS – In the wake of Prince Andrew’s involvement with the ongoing Jeffrey Epstein sex scandal, a local high school will no longer be named after the disgraced royal and will inste…

B.C. unveils new “what you don’t know can’t hurt anyone” COVID strategy

VICTORIA – After weeks of struggling to adapt their approach to COVID in light of a large testing deficit and a completely unknown amount of infections within the population, the B.C. provi…

Jason Kenney vows to protect Alberta’s vulnerable COVID industry

EDMONTON – Alberta premier Jason Kenney announced today that his administration will work tirelessly to make sure the province’s booming COVID business stays prosperous. “If we allow the Tr…

Alberta justice minister asks police chief to quash independent probe into Alberta justice minister

EDMONTON – Alberta MLA Kaycee Madu has called on Police Chief Dale MacFee to “help take care of” an independent probe into the incident where Madu called on Chief MacFee after receiving a t…