OP-ED: You wearing a mask actually is infringing on my freedom by making me feel guilty and selfish
NOTE: The author of this op-ed has requested to remain anonymous (But not because I’m not proud of my opinion, okay?) I am a man of principle. It’s important to stick up for what you believe and …
Air Fryer latest appliance to fail to save marriage
TRENTON, ON – After buying an air fryer over a year ago, Bobby and Muriel Fuller regret this latest appliance purchase has failed to save their marriage after a string of attempts with oth…
“Did a thing!” posts white woman who has either cut her hair or invaded the nation of Kosovo
WINNIPEG – Friends and family of Jennifer Higgens reacted with trepidation after the 32-year-old tweeted that she “did a thing” this past Saturday afternoon, unsure if their loved one had e…
Dad who always insists his family get to the airport six hours early grateful his time has come
Whitby, ON – Local father Winston Brown, who has always insisted his family arrive at Toronto Pearson airport no less than 6 hours before their flight’s scheduled departure time, took…
Advocate for return-to-office policies eager to get back to eating other people’s lunches
WINNIPEG, MB — After working from home for two years, local man Calvin Richards is pushing to return to the office so he can get back to eating lunches that don’t belong to him. “It’s time we all…
Colgate unveils new sensitivity-increasing toothpaste for nasty little freaks
MANHATTAN — Oral hygiene giant Colgate-Palmolive has announced a new line of sensitivity-increasing toothpastes designed to cater to the needs of fucked-up little pain goblins everywhere. Colgate…
Trudeau promises to continue timing Canadian laws with American tragedies
OTTAWA – After recently announcing passage of a host of new gun control laws in the wake of the deadly Uvalde, Texas school shooting, and re-affirming Canada’s support of legal abortion aft…
5 Father’s Day gifts that scream, “Go to therapy, for the love of God!”
There’s no shortage of Father’s Day gifts out there that say “you’re the best!”, “#1 Dad!”, and “[golf pun]”! But where are you supposed to find a gift that says “please feel your feelings”? Loo…
Report: Couple posting photos all the time super happy, nothing wrong
VANCOUVER, BC – A recent report has concluded that couple Akhil Mangal and Mateo Burattii, who frequently post photos together, are super happy and nothing is wrong with their relationship.…
