Study: Drivers debating between Express and Collectors choose slower one 100% of the time
TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has concluded that people driving on the 401 near Toronto choosing between the Express and Collectors lanes choose the slower option every…
Police: “We could have handled Freedom Convoy without Emergencies Act, we just didn’t wanna”
OTTAWA – As police officers from the RCMP, OPP and Ottawa Police continue to downplay the necessity of the Emergencies Act in finally ending the Freedom Convoy Protest, they have made it cl…
Former Spirit Halloween location haunted by cheap mass-produced ghosts
ST. CATHARINE’S — The customers at children’s store Kiddie Korner have been getting more than they bargained for this Halloween season in the form of dozens of bargain basement spectres. Th…
Trudeau keeps running mouth about Putin as if Canada isn’t perfect target for nuclear warning shot
GENEVA – Several diplomats have disclosed to the international press their growing concern that Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau continues to run his mouth about Putin as if he is obl…
Coffee Time Manager going to pretend that all the spiderwebs are Halloween decorations
Owen Sound, ON – Management of a local Coffee Time has asked that all staff pretend that the cobwebs currently coating stationary objects were put there for the Halloween season, as opposed…
Silver medalists only survivors of Transylvania Olympics
TIMIŞOARA – The 2022 Transylvania Olympics, which invites “hale and sanguineous” athletes from around the world to compete in Romania, has concluded with only the silver medalists appearing at th…
Toronto friends plan to meet for coffee four months from now
TORONTO – After a chance encounter, long-time friends Sylvia Majersky and Lillian Silvers excitedly planned to meet for coffee 117 days from the day they both told each other they “absolutely” sh…
British Prime Minister regenerates into Rishi Sunak
LONDON — The news is in! The 57th incarnation of the iconic British Prime Minister will be Rishi Sunak. Sunak will be the youngest Prime Minister in 200 years, as well as being the first person o…
Rogers exec keeps side hustle
TORONTO – Rogers Family board member John Tory has been allowed to continue his night job as mayor of the city of Toronto. “I am thrilled to have the opportunity to serve the people o…
