WASHINGTON – In the wake of the second deadliest school shooting in US history at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Conn., the National Rifle Association has recommended that every single e…
U.S.
Stranded soul of Christopher Hitchens skeptical of own existence
HOUSTON, TX – After passing one year ago today while undergoing treatment for esophageal cancer, the wandering ethereal remains of author and staunch skeptic Christopher Hitchens continues …
Santa lays off hundreds of elves, blames Obamacare
NORTH POLE – Santa Claus, the perennial bringer of Christmas joy, laid off 244 worker elves yesterday, while slashing hours and benefits to those who remain, citing costs of the Obamacare m…
NYPD successfully cleans mutant turtles out of sewers
NEW YORK – After almost two decades of mutant sightings in the New York sewers and a lengthy siege, spokespersons for the New York Police Department have reported that a nest of mutant turt…
Washington tourism board promotes beautiful views from its fiscal cliff
WASHINGTON – The United States Tourism Board has launched a campaign encouraging people to witness Washington D.C.’s majestic fiscal cliff as it looms over the nation’s capital and the glob…
Paul Ryan to climb own widow’s peak
JANESVILLE, WI – Paul Ryan, the notoriously athletic and daring former vice-presidential candidate, has chosen to relax from the grueling campaign trail by taking on the monumental task of …
Tension leading up to US elections turns out to be mostly sexual
WASHINGTON – In what is being called the largest ever release of pent-up sexual energy, both Democratic and Republican voters engaged in a nation-wide orgy to relieve some of the intense em…
