PORTLAND, OR — Following the announcement that Colin Kaepernick will be their new spokesperson, Nike is encouraging all Americans to buy as much of the Kaepernick merchandise as possible, e…
Sports
Tiger Woods still looks tired from all that extramarital sex he was having a few years ago
JUPITER ISLAND, FL – Having not won a PGA tournament since 2013, a wide array of golf experts agreed on Thursday that golfing legend Tiger Woods still looks “very tired” from all that extra…
BREAKING: France okay with certain immigrants
MOSCOW, RUSSIA – After a high scoring 4 – 2 victory over Croatia in the 2018 World Cup finals, the entire nation of France announced Sunday that it finally embrace certain immigrants,…
How can Cristiano Ronaldo be the greatest footballer of all time when he’s never won a Super Bowl?
EDITORIAL by Your High School Football Coach, Mr. Hapsfield I’ve been a fan of the great sport of football for my entire life, and lately a bunch of people are talking about this Cristiano Ronald…
LeBron James announces intention to sign with the Washington Generals
CLEVELAND, OH – In a surprise move this morning, LeBron James officially announced that he will be leaving the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers to sign with the Independent Washington Generals, mo…
Exhaustive study finds Hamilton Tiger-Cats neither tigers nor cats
HAMILTON, ON – Already making waves in the greater Hamilton area, scientists at McMaster University have completed a study that finds, among other things, that the Hamilton Tiger-Cats are n…
Bergevin successfully trades Alex Galchenyuk on Bunz for a Salt Lamp
MONTREAL – Montreal Canadiens GM Marc Bergevin has successfully traded forward Alex Galchenyuk on Bunz Trading Zone. A Himalayan salt lamp is the only piece heading the other way. “I …
Victory: Canadians celebrate Team Canada’s default participation in 2026 World Cup
MOSCOW – Canada has broken its decades old drought of participating in the World Cup after pulling off a shocking victory by co-hosting the global competition in 2026 and therefore a spot i…
CFL teams exceed salary cap due to minimum wage hike
TORONTO, ON – With preparations for the start of the 2018 CFL season well underway, several teams were greeted with a surprise at the start of training camp upon realizing the raised minimu…
NFL defends their 1st Amendment right to deny players their 1st Amendment rights
NEW YORK — NFL team owners are defending their decision to prohibit players from kneeling during the national anthem, claiming they are simply exercising their First Amendment right to deny…
