PHILADELPHIA, PA- Following the murder of Canadian-made robot Hitchbot, Philadelphia police have released the identity of their main suspect; Google automated car GC-8402. “We think there must ha…
Science and Technology
Scientists at University of the Lord discover that Jesus is Lord
BARN GLORY, ON – A surprising new study from University of the Lord has revealed that Jesus Christ, and not anybody else, is Lord. “We started from the premise that somebody had to be Lord,…
Cool new website aggregates content directly from people’s homes
NEW YORK – Only six months old and already challenging New Media titans like BuzzFeed and the Huffington Post, the viral media website Stufftaker is overtaking social networks with original…
New study finds that you fucked with the wrong scientists
OTTAWA – A recent discovery has shown that you fucked with the wrong practitioners of hypothetico-deductive methodology. “As in all science, we started by formulating a question: how badly …
Recently uncovered Nostradamus quatrain predicts 7-11
SALON-DE-PROVENCE, FRANCE – An international team of archaeologists has discovered a shocking Nostradamus prophecy that seems to have foretold the events of 7-11, nearly half a millennium b…
New Meta Madison service allows Ashley Madison members to cheat on each other
TORONTO – Avid Life Media Inc., the parent company of adultery-enabling website AshleyMadison.com, has unveiled a new service called Meta Madison which allows users of Ashley Madison to have extr…
Astronomical Union threatens planetary status of Neptune if funding demands not met
PARIS – In a surprise press conference this morning, International Astronomical Union President Norio Kaifu announced that, unless funding goals were met within the next 24 hours, the body would …
Wacky Orca delights kids with curved fin
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – With his dorsal fin deformed into a zany semicircle by the repetitive stress of swimming in small circles, Marineland’s new star Orca, Kitsak, has already brought …
New study reveals that your cousin Steve is still hoping to hang out soon
Prince George, British Columbia — A comprehensive new study released by the University of Northern British Columbia this week has found that your cousin Steve would still really like to han…
Conservatives introduce new cabinet minister, Mungo
OTTAWA – Shortly after the resignation of Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird, the Harper government has introduced his seven-foot-eight, 482-pound successor, the Honourable Mungo. “Haurrgh…
