TORONTO – Ontario’s Minister of Long Term Care Merrilee Fullerton was rushed out of a media scrum after being briefly exposed to accountability yesterday. The minister will spend the next 1…
Ontario
Scathing auditor’s report on long-term care placed in a home, forgotten about until it dies
TORONTO – The Ontario government has responded to the Auditor General of Ontario’s Special Report on Pandemic Readiness and Response in Long-Term Care by surrendering it to a long-term home…
New website allows Ontarians to sign up for a pretend vaccine waitlist just for funsies
TORONTO – Following months of frustration surrounding Ontario’s delayed vaccine rollout, officials have announced the launch of a new website that will allow Ontarians to sign up for …
Progress! Ontarians granted 3 days sick leave to share amongst themselves
Ontarians rejoice! After over a year of tireless advocacy from workers and healthcare advocates, the Ontario government has finally taken a major step in halting the spread of COVID 19 by proposi…
Ontario offering vaccines by either appointment or human stampede
OTTAWA – Health officials in Ontario have announced those eligible for their COVID-19 vaccines may either make an appointment with their health provider or participate in a stampede trampli…
Doug Ford wins best actor Oscar for performance pretending to care about people dying of COVID
TORONTO – In an upset win, Ontario Premier Doug Ford took home the Academy Award for Best Leading Actor due to his performance crying crocodile tears for all the people dying of COVID as a …
Ontarians reminisce about other Ford brother whose bumbling incompetence didn’t kill anyone
TORONTO – As they reflected from their places of quarantine, Ontarians reminisced about the late Toronto mayor Rob Ford, whose tenure from 2010-2014 didn’t lead to the deaths of thousands. …
Ford government unveils paid sick days for select postal codes of major PC donors
TORONTO – Caving to political pressure, Premier Doug Ford and his provincial government announced they will be launching paid sick days, but only for residents who live carefully selected p…
Doug Ford relieved to have paid sick days after workplace COVID exposure
ETOBICOKE, ON – After coming into contact with a coworker who tested positive for COVID-19, Premier Doug Ford is reportedly “hugely relieved” to have paid sick days to isolate at home, as p…
