TORONTO – He’s been reported missing by his family since 2004, but Kurt Sampson is alive and well, and still trapped on the same Air Canada flight he boarded to Calgary. The now-bearded tel…
National
Report: Ford gov actually shut down to avoid mockery from new episodes of Beaverton tv show
TORONTO – Sources within the Ford administration revealed today that the real reason the government took a sudden, extremely lengthy summer hiatus was to avoid being made of fun by the new …
Liberals declare climate change emergency for a few hours before approving pipeline
OTTAWA – The Liberal government has announced the recent climate change emergency declaration is now over, thereby granting them the moral authority to approve the Trans Mountain pipeline. …
Oh no! Kawhi Leonard is now King of the North and he has no idea how to give legislation Royal Assent!
Now that Kawhi Leonard has been crowned King of the North and has replaced the Queen as our Sovereign, he’s got no clue on how to issue a Royal Assent, appoint a Prime Minister or proroguing Parl…
CRA defends “Twelve strikes, you’re out!” rule for millionaire tax dodgers
OTTAWA – The Canada Revenue Agency is insisting that another secret settlement that allows wealthy individuals and corporations who engaged in offshore tax avoidance schemes to avoid public…
Trump announces tariff on Canada’s three-pointers
OAKLAND, CA – US President Donald Trump has issued trade sanctions against all of Canada’s three-pointers. The President applied Section 232 Trade Expansion Act which slapped a one-point fi…
Nation’s dads demand investigation into where the hell this moron learned how to drive
OTTAWA – The nation’s dads assembled on Parliament Hill today demanding that Transport Canada investigate where in the hell this moron learned how to drive and who exactly was the idi…
Canada replaces customary diplomatic gifts with customary shipping container full of household waste
OTTAWA – As per a new directive issued by Global Affairs, foreign dignitaries visiting Canada will be gifted with several shipping containers full of traditional Canadian household waste. T…
Rest of Canada wishes B.C. and Alberta would just get it over with and fuck already
EVERYWHERE IN CANADA EXCEPT ALBERTA AND B.C. – After months of squabbles between Alberta and B.C., the other Canadian provinces are sick and tired of seeing them at each other’s throa…
Emergency officials construct fake disaster zone for politicians to disrupt
OTTAWA – Government officials at the federal, provincial, and municipal levels have finished the construction of a fake flooded area to distract political leaders from disrupting real disas…
