OTTAWA – Local voter Martin Kofman finds it appalling that the Liberals have clearly hatched a plan to obtain the majority government voters denied them by luring Conservative MPs to cross …
National
The Beaverton Lives! It still needs your help to thrive
Beloved Readers, It’s been just over a year since we launched our Patreon, and to say that it has completely saved our asses would be an understatement. From the bottom of our snarky Canadian hea…
Carney orders staffers to bow before speaking to him
OTTAWA – The Prime Minister’s Office has issued a directive that all staffers and civil servants must bow before speaking to Prime Minister Carney. “Upon entering a room in whic…
Leading physicists claim Mark Carney’s elbows are in a quantum superposition of up and down simultaneously
Waterloo, ON – The Perimeter Institute for Theoretical Physics put out a statement saying that after months of careful study, they can now claim that Prime Minister Mark Carney’s elbows are…
Mark Carney still answering question reporter asked 6 weeks ago
OTTAWA – In what is being called “a tsunami of words,” Prime Minister Mark Carney is still answering a reporter’s question posed to him at a press conference six weeks ago. Liberal MPs and staff …
Carney confident government can meet spending cut goals as long as they make life a little worse for every Canadian
OTTAWA – Mark Carney has unveiled an “ambitious” plan to cut government spending by 7.5% next year, and 15% by 2029, figures he truly believes his government can manage as long …
As part of negotiations with Trump, Carney agrees to celebrate Canada Day on July 4th
OTTAWA – In order to secure an economic agreement with Trump, PM Mark Carney has announced that, beginning in 2026, Canada will celebrate our national day of celebration on July 4th, just l…
Liberals promise anti-democratic components of Bill C-5 will be used sparingly as long as Conservatives never get in power again
OTTAWA – Shortly after jamming through a law that allows Cabinet to ignore Parliamentary Accountability for energy projects, Liberal MPs are confident that these provisions will only be use…
Carney limits G7 guests to one assassination each
OTTAWA – After inviting Indian PM Narendra Modi Prime Minister Mark Carney issued strict rules for the upcoming G7 meeting in Kananaskis, Alberta, limiting assassinations to one per guest n…
Premiers united in belief that the best way to stand up to Trump is doing what they’ve always wanted to do anyways
SASKATOON – As they gather with PM Mark Carney for the meeting of First Ministers, the Premiers of Canada’s provinces are steadfast in their belief that the best way to oppose Donald …
