VANCOUVER – COVID-19 isn’t the only fever spreading these days. According to a recent poll, sign language interpreters now outrank rock stars when it comes to jobs that fuck. Due to the cur…
Culture
Business casual dress code no longer includes pants
HAMILTON, ON – Hundreds of workplaces across Canada have officially updated the definition of their business casual dress code to no longer include pants during working hours. “Instilling a…
Comedy community rallies to create online show that people will also not watch
SKYPE – In a heartwarming story of determination, the local comedy community has rallied together to create an online show that people will also not watch. “I just started thinking of all t…
Disney World employee just now realizing he forgot to put food down for Goofy before he locked up
ORLANDO, FL – A Disney World employee is in hot water after realizing he locked up for quarantine without leaving food down for Goofy. “Bob (Chapek, fmr. Director of Disney Parks) had creat…
Celebrity reassures other celebrities that it’s okay to be totally fine right now
LOS ANGELES – In a group chat with a long list of like-minded famous acquaintances, multi-platinum recording artist John Legend assured his fellow celebrities that they could not be faulted…
Hypebeasts disappointed to discover Supreme gas not a petroleum collab
TORONTO – Hypebeasts around the world found themselves disappointed after the new revelation that Supreme gas is not actually a petroleum collab as they had thought all this time. It was co…
Doug Ford extends quarantine after learning how long it takes to grow out bangs
TORONTO – Having announced a two-week-long state of emergency roughly two weeks ago, Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced that the province-wide order would be extended after he learned how …
Modern day Shakespeare? This woman wrote another explicit One Direction fanfic during quarantine
MISSISSAUGA, ON – As of yesterday, remote brand strategist Lana Frasier completed yet another One Direction fanfiction during self-isolation. “Yeah, I heard that Shakespeare wrote King Lear…
Locked down Canadians gather on balconies, struggle to collectively sing really fast part of One Week by Barenaked Ladies
TORONTO – After witnessing the popularity achieved by a group of locked down Italians singing in unison on their balconies a couple of weeks ago, a gang of Canadians assembled to try to sin…
Nation’s parents lured back inside houses with promise of Jeopardy re-runs
OTTAWA – Reports indicate that many among the older generation have not been adhering to warnings from health officials to self-isolate. As a result, most have resorted to luring their parents ba…
