OTTAWA – Health officials in Ontario have announced those eligible for their COVID-19 vaccines may either make an appointment with their health provider or participate in a stampede trampli…
Ontarians reminisce about other Ford brother whose bumbling incompetence didn’t kill anyone
TORONTO – As they reflected from their places of quarantine, Ontarians reminisced about the late Toronto mayor Rob Ford, whose tenure from 2010-2014 didn’t lead to the deaths of thousands. …
Ford government unveils paid sick days for select postal codes of major PC donors
TORONTO – Caving to political pressure, Premier Doug Ford and his provincial government announced they will be launching paid sick days, but only for residents who live carefully selected p…
Premier Doug Ford relying on Magic 8 ball to devise entire Covid-19 response plan
TORONTO, ONTARIO – After an 8-month long external investigation of Premier Doug Ford’s Covid-19 response plan, it has been discovered that the trust-fund child, turned Premier has been relying on…
Rosedale resident given priority vaccine so they can summer in Muskoka
TORONTO – Local Rosedale resident Ainsley Williams, 33, recently received an urgent vaccination so that she can spend the summer up in Muskoka. “It’s been a tough year,” sighed Williams, fr…
Ford closes hospitals to prevent COVID from spreading to precious construction sites
TORONTO – Ontario’s hospitals, long-term care homes, and other health care facilities will be shuttered for the next six weeks to prevent COVID from spreading to the province’s vulnerable c…
Ontario government: The purpose of our scientists’ COVID projections was for betting purposes only
TORONTO – The province of Ontario clarified that any of the COVID-19 projections made by provincial doctors, scientists, and epidemiologists were for politicians to make bets on if they cam…
Ontario school opening/closing policy determined by a cat who wants in or out
TORONTO – Ontario’s Ministry of Education cat has determined that schools will be closed after he decided to come inside. The feline, Misty the COVID Cat, was at first hesitant to make a de…