PALO ALTO — An exciting new product was revealed today that its creator claims will change the world by bringing people together “in global frustration.” “Finally we have …
Ruling against Trans Mountain protects Pacific coal tankers from oilsands tankers
VANCOUVER — The landmark ruling against the Trans Mountain Pipeline expansion was heralded as a win for BCs massive pod of coal tankers and the people who love them. “Today we can res…
Person who took empty seat next to you on plane at last minute definitely a sociopath
TORONTO – According to damning and indisputable evidence, the son of a bitch who waited until just before departure to sit in the empty seat next to you on the plane is almost certainly an …
Netflix producer caught releasing dozens of bad movies into local river
HOLLYWOOD – A Netflix producer is facing charges after being caught dumping a number of god-awful movies into a local river. Residents began to report an excremental stench several weeks ag…
Going out of business sale really highlighting why business failed
VANCOUVER – A local lawn ornament store is holding a going out of business sale that neighbours in the area are saying does a great job showcasing all the reasons the business was a ridicul…
Dad with cellphone holster not fucking around during trip to beach
VANCOUVER – A local father of two was spotted wearing a heavy-duty nylon phone holster at Kits Beach yesterday. Several eyewitnesses reported that the holster was rugged yet surprisingly sl…
Bear wakes up from wild night out with ear tag
LYTTON, BC – A black bear found itself with a cheeky new accessory and a hazy memory after a wild night on Friday. The bear, 5, struggled to recall an exact timeline that led to the tag bei…
Disney in negotiations to purchase false sense of ownership from Star Wars fans
BURBANK, CA – After a period of protest Disney is moving to consolidate its ownership of Star Wars from a group of aggrieved not-actually-shareholders. “When we purchased Star Wars fr…
Report: More couples choosing box wine over basic human dignity
VANCOUVER – A recent poll indicates that more couples than ever are choosing to buy wine in a cardboard box rather than retain their own sense of self-worth. Theories abound as to the reaso…