LONDON, UK – Following the death of Queen Elizabeth II, the world’s corgi population is scrambling to find a new trademark to stay relevant in the global dog scene. “We’ve been trying…
Friend group excited to spend all of Nuit Blanche trying to find each other
TORONTO – With Nuit Blanche expected to return for the first time since the pandemic, a local group of buddies is excited to spend the whole event unsuccessfully trying to meet up. “It’s go…
Ontario certain they can fund gambling addiction support with money brought in from legalized gambling
QUEEN’S PARK – With Ontario now aiming to provide more accessible treatment options for anyone struggling with gambling addiction, the Ford government reportedly has absolute confiden…
Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots
LONDON, ON – In an effort to protect students and faculty against COVID-19 and being a buzzkill, Western University announced that everyone entering the campus must have had at least 3 shot…
Fredericton rager still going on at 9:15pm
FREDERICTON, NB – Guests at a wild party happening on Fredericton’s Main Street appear to be dead set on burning the three-hours-to-midnight oil as the bash is now entering its third hour a…
Canada to reduce immigration backlog by making country less livable
OTTAWA – After months of delays and work pileups, the Canadian government has announced a new strategy to reduce the wait time for the millions attempting to move to Canada; slowly reduce t…
New U.S. Environmental Protection Plan basically just giving nature guns
WASHINGTON, DC- The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency announced its new strategy to conserve natural spaces; distributing firearms to all native plant and animal species to allow them to prote…
Canada sends Ukraine shipment of duct tape to fix earlier shipment of weapons
OTTAWA, ON- The Canadian government announced it would continue to support Ukrainian forces by sending an entire shipping container of duct tape to the embattled nation to aid in the repairs to t…
Local man figures he’ll wait until the next internet outage to read a book
PRINCE ALBERT, SK – As internet service returns to hundreds of Rogers customers nationwide, local copywriter Jack Pally’s plan to enjoy literature has been postponed yet again until the nex…
All guns reclassified as Chekhov’s guns
OTTAWA – Following a new survey that found that 99.9% of firearms turn out to be important to the plot, the Federal government has issued a nationwide reclassification of all privately owne…
