TORONTO – After a recent weekend spent in far-flung Winnipeg, Gerald Skinner is regaling friends and family with tales of life in the exotic international city. “A chicken finger, you say? Intere…
5 Canadians in the NFL who might get to touch the football this year if they’re really good boys
Another NFL season is in full swing, and from handing players water bottles to losing rent money on ill-advised bets, Canadians are making an impact on the game. But did you know that some Canadi…
Board game night becomes debate night
EDMONTON – According to local sources, a board game night at Kevin Telford’s house has evolved into a bitter debate on the fundamental nature of knowledge and the righteousness of following unjus…
NHL creates audience for its new NFTs by banning helmets
NEW YORK – In addition to unveiling its own line of official NFTs, the National Hockey League has announced plans to attract player investment by phasing out protective helmets. “We’re encouragi…
Sexy devil Luigi nurse costume starting to lose the plot
VICTORIA – Taylor Hawkins’ elaborate Halloween costume has confounded everyone at the party she’s attending, according to local sources. “Okay, so Satan and his minions sometimes take attractive…
Cruelty-free haunted house only features ghosts who died of natural causes
WINNIPEG – Local parapsychologists were pleasantly surprised when their investigation of a mysterious old house in the heart of historic Winnipeg uncovered numerous spirits who lived happy lives …
Threesome rescheduled again
EDMONTON – Following yet another scheduling conflict, local couple Gregory and Alexia Carter have once again had to postpone their threesome with mutual friend Taylor Long. “We’ve been trying to …
5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention
Another NHL season is almost upon us, but if you can’t wait to see your team play – or if you’re desperate for money – the preseason can give you your fix. Some people say preseason hockey is bor…
Local pizzeria updates website from 1997 to website from 2005
CALGARY – Sources report that the Royal Pizzeria in Northwest Calgary has redesigned its website to only be 18 years behind modern design trends instead of a full 26 years out of date. “Wow, that…
“Sit the fuck down, you miserable little cretins” begins Air Canada apology statement
MONTREAL – Air Canada has issued a statement on its latest scandal, calling the complainants “a bunch of pasty-faced fucks” who “couldn’t board a plane if it was parked up their own assholes” as …