CALGARY – Frank Benton has wasted the $150 Best Buy gift card his parents gave him for Christmas, despite spending weeks carefully thinking about how to use it. Local sources report that Benton h…
Baby smells weird again
CALGARY — According to local sources, the Weaver family baby is smelling suspicious again after a brief period of olfactory normality. “Well, it’s not the diaper,” said Michael Weaver, after tak…
New toonie honours Queen Elizabeth II and the polar bear that ate her
OTTAWA – The Royal Canadian Mint has announced a black ringed two-dollar coin featuring the 96-year-old Queen on one side, and the polar bear that killed and devoured her on the other. “As many C…
Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”
PRINCE ALBERT – According to local historians, 98-year-old Dorothy Lamb exchanged letters with Prime Minister Diefenbaker they describe as “thoughtful,” “nuanced,” and “almost impossibly horny.” …
Amateur magician pulls most of rabbit out of hat
EDMONTON – Rookie magician Marty Merlin has shocked and amazed onlookers at Trevor White’s ninth birthday party by removing most of a rabbit from his top hat. “Behold, Peter the Third in all his …
“Controversies” section on Kanye West’s Wikipedia page eclipses “Music” section
AUSTIN – After Ye, formerly known as Kayne West, made a wide variety of antisemitic comments on Alex Jones’ Infowars broadcast, the rapper’s Wikipedia page now dedicates more space to his controv…
Ethical soccer fan vows to watch entire World Cup while tsk-ing
TORONTO – Hardcore soccer fan Ethan Weir will be protesting the 2022 World Cup by shaking his head and tsk-ing while he watches every minute of the tournament. “Between the horrific abuse that m…
Blue Bombers hoping to win third straight Grey Cup and trade them in for one Super Bowl
REGINA — The Winnipeg Blue Bombers are attempting to claim their third straight Grey Cup, a generational feat that will allow them to redeem their hard-fought prizes for a single Super Bowl. “It…
Modern Renaissance man? This guy is a painter AND a geocentrist
EDMONTON – According to local sources, polymath Alan Fowler never ceases to amaze everyone he meets with his incredible artistic talent, deep knowledge of classical literature, and unshakeable be…
Convoy Inquiry reveals Ottawa Police’s controversial “good cop, seditionist cop” strategy
OTTAWA – The Emergencies Act inquiry has revealed that Ottawa police officers leaked information to the so-called Freedom Convoy as part of their ingenious strategy to combat the protestors. “Fir…
