TORONTO – In total, 2,194 runners competed in the GoodLife Fitness Toronto Marathon over the weekend, many of whom were total assholes. But 32 year old local man, and all-around okay guy, D…
Report: Donald Sterling does literally the only thing an NBA owner can’t do
LOS ANGELES – Sources inside the NBA head office have stated that the league is furious that L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling, having allegedly been caught on tape making racist comments…
Report: Girlfriend still crying
A new report from behind the bathroom door has confirmed that yes, your girlfriend is still crying because of that thing you know you said and no, she won’t be stopping anytime soon. Confidential…
Report: sleeping woman on subway has been dead for 3 weeks
TORONTO – Reports from those seated around her have confirmed that the women on the subway who all assumed to have been sleeping, is in fact dead, and has been for some time. “I first start…
Stephen Colbert named new guy who older married couples fall asleep to
NEW YORK – CBS has announced that Stephen Colbert will take over for David Letterman as their flagship guy who puts married upper middle class Americans to sleep every night. “I look forwar…
Toronto Raptors clinch playoffs for first time since last time they played in playoffs
TORONTO – For the first time in probably at least a few years based on everybody’s reaction the Toronto Raptors will be heading to the NBA playoffs this spring. “Everyone counted us out at …
Leafs: ‘We’re only collapsing now to avoid heartbreaking collapse in playoffs.’
TORONTO – In the midst of a 5 game losing streak that has seen them fall from 4th place in the East to nearly out of the playoff picture, the Toronto Maple Leafs have reassured fans that th…
Newspaper finds award it won to be very newsworthy
TORONTO – After winning the Stephen Glass award for excellence in journalistic integrity, the Toronto Star has determined the news of the award being granted merited a front page, above the…
After travel mix up, Stephen Harper accidentally signs free trade agreement with North Korea
PYONGYANG – After a pilot error took him to the wrong part of the Korean peninsula, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper mistakenly signed a free trade agreement with the North Korean Dem…
Canadian Screen Awards cancelled after only two episodes
TORONTO – After a short two episode run, little watched and poorly advertised Canadian television program, the Canadian Screen Awards, was cancelled by the CBC today. “Unfortunately, given …
