HOLLYWOOD – Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice director Zack Snyder has confirmed a forthcoming R-rated release of the film including a deleted scene of the two heroes reconciling sexuall…
‘GOP polls that dismissed Trump were laughable’ says Democrat whose polls dismiss Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. – While mocking 2015 polls that said Donald Trump couldn’t possibly win the GOP nomination, DNC political operative Colin McCallum maintained that his own internal polls sh…
Office Oscar Pool just fucking demolished by Maureen from accounting
FREDERICTON – Reports are flooding in that the MacIntosh & Carter Law Offices informal Oscar pool was straight up annihilated last night by accounts payable manager Maureen Petrie, 52. …
Elaborate conspiracy to underpay Gillian Anderson for X-Files reboot revealed to be just ordinary sexism
HOLLYWOOD – Following revelations that Fox attempted to pay X-Files star Gillian Anderson half the salary of her male co-star, what many had assumed to be a shadowy conspiracy stretching to…
Uber passengers impressed with speed, efficiency of uninsured collisions
TORONTO – With the Uber ridesharing service now transporting thousands of riders in Toronto daily, many customers are reporting being impressed by Uber’s approach to collision insurance, na…
Richard Dawkins insists his empty birthday party just proof God does not exist
LONDON – Seated alone in a TGI Fridays Bar and Grill, at an extra-large table which he himself reserved, Richard Dawkins smugly asserted that this sad tableau never would have been allowed …
NRA demands tougher regulations on presidential tears
WASHINGTON DC – Following a press conference where President Obama was moved to tears while discussing recent horrific mass shootings, the National Rifle Association has demanded that Congr…
Local man builds actual adult life out of LEGO
KAMLOOPS – Local “LEGO Enthusiast” Mike Dobson has assembled a detailed representation of a functional adult life using the famous interlocking brick toys, which in no way resembles his act…
50% female cabinet appointments lead to 5000% increase in guys who suddenly care about merit in cabinet
OTTAWA – With Prime Minister designate Justin Trudeau preparing to announce a cabinet that is 50% women, researchers have discovered a sharp 5000% increase in the number of men who suddenly…
Toronto Blue Jays fans eager to end 22-year rioting drought
TORONTO – After a two decade playoff absence fans of the Toronto Blue Jays are hopeful this will be the year they can finally destroy their city in a drunken World Series celebration. “I wa…
