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New Tesla safety feature requires user retweet Elon Musk to start vehicle
AUSTIN, TX — On the heels of news that Elon Musk had become Twitter’s single largest shareholder, Tesla Motors has unveiled a new safety feature requiring the driver to demonstrate being ca…
CRTC approves Rogers-Shaw deal to protect Canadians from dangers of choice paralysis
OTTAWA – The Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission has approved the acquisition of Shaw broadcasting services by Rogers in a move being touted as in ‘the best interest…
Let’s Go Brandon, Manitoba! tourism campaign deemed failure
BRANDON, MB – The Tourism Board of Manitoba had prematurely ended a campaign designed to draw travelers to the city of Brandon, Manitoba, citing ‘unforeseen circumstances.’ Mackenzie …
New ‘Vancouver’ edition Peloton bike includes daily theft attempt
VANCOUVER – High-end exercise equipment maker Peloton Interactive has debuted a new subscription service for their line of stationary bicycles designed to give riders the full experience of…
Ottawa police chief resigns to spend more time with friends and loved ones
OTTAWA — As Ottawa enters its third week of occupation by Freedom Convoy protestors, Ottawa Police Chief Peter Sloly tendered his resignation today, citing a desire to spend more quality time wit…
Nation’s conspiracy theorists celebrate False Flag Day
OTTAWA – As Canadians spent the day commemorating the inauguration of the country’s iconic maple leaf flag, the nation’s weird shut-ins took to obscure subreddits for a celebration of…
Hasbro ends all elective games of Operation amid COVID surge
PAWTUCKET, RI – As the US healthcare system struggles under the weight of new Omicron admissions, toy and board game maker Hasbro has announced that all non-critical games of Operation will…
