BURNABY, BC – A published study out of Simon Fraser university on generational sexuality has found that the most popular sexual kink among millennials is roleplaying as a couple that owns a…
Ottawa Senators head into trade deadline looking to acquire dedicated fan base
OTTAWA – With the NHL’s trade deadline rapidly approaching, franchises are looking to improve the strength of their team by any means necessary. For the Ottawa Senators this means heading i…
Canadian women’s hockey team Olympic silver medal really let country down, says 42-year-old unemployed loser
MATTAWA, ON – Following an overtime loss in the gold medal hockey game, local man Douglas Birch became vocal on social media about the national shame brought on by Canada’s 2nd place result…
Scientist who claimed universe is simulation found dead in swimming pool with no ladder
PLEASANTVIEW, AB – Tragedy hit a small residential neighbourhood today when the body of one of its residents was found having seemingly drowned in a swimming pool after being unable to find…
Sidney Crosby: “I would never let my children play hockey. The risk of getting drafted by Edmonton is too high”
EDMONTON – With a growing number of concerns about the dangers of playing hockey, several notable names are speaking out against the associated risks, including NHL superstar Sidney Crosby.…
Touchdown celebration enters third day
PITTSBURGH, PA – The Pittsburgh Steelers have appeared to go above and beyond the expected victory march with their most recent touchdown celebration, which this afternoon surpassed the 70 …
Santa’s nice list just one lady from Saskatoon
SASKATOON, SK – Leaked documents from earlier this morning have revealed the full contents of Santa Claus’ previously undisclosed naughty and nice lists, with many were surprised to learn t…
Pope Francis makes Taco Bell a sin after spending all morning in bathroom
VATICAN CITY- Officially recognized by the Catholic church as of this morning; the sale, consumption, or creation of any Taco Bell products will now be considered a mortal sin on par with murder …
Toronto continues to win championships in not hockey
TORONTO – With the TFC winning its first MLS championship at BMO Field on Saturday evening, Toronto has continued its longtime tradition of winning championships in anything other than hock…
Local man finds romantic success by texting unsolicited dog pics
KINGSTON, ON – Reports from yesterday evening have found that 26-year-old Tommy Freen has come across unprecedented courting success by switching out pictures of his penis that no one asked…
