BRANDON, MB – 4-year-old Mikaela Hermer’s imaginary restaurant, in which she served invisible hot dogs and ice cream to her parents and friends, has filed for bankruptcy after being acquired by Hedgestone Holdings Ltd.
“Mikaela’s Restaurant”, known for its cheerful service and convenient location inside her parents’ living room, was purchased via a leveraged buyout by the Manhattan-based PE firm, before reportedly being loaded down with debt and stripped for parts. All assets belonging to the restaurant have been sold off to pay shareholder dividends, including a hand-drawn sign and blanket draped over two dining room chairs which served as the roof.
“Immediately after being acquired, my daughter informed me that she had to cut staff, namely her stuffie Mookie and that houseplant,” explained Jeff Hermer, Mikaela’s father and former customer.
“In order to service the loan Hedgestone took out to buy her restaurant, they sold off any part that wasn’t immediately profitable, including the imaginary banana splits,” noted grandmother Esther Hermer. “But on the plus side, I’m told they’ve sold the real estate and there will be a Sephora moving into my son’s living room next Spring”.
Former imaginary restauranteur Mikaela Hermer was unavailable to comment, having now taken a job as a DoorDash driver in order to repay loans taken out against her Little Tikes Oven.
