Salmon Cove, NL – In a stunning display of generosity, the Newfoundland government has given wildfire evacuees an unprecedented one-time payout of $500, covering 50% of a single monthly Newfoundland and Labrador Hydro bill.
The payments will be distributed through the Red Cross to those who have been displaced by the incredible destruction caused by the wildfires on the island. Government officials have declared that this single $500 payout will make up for any inconvenience or loss thanks to Newfoundlanders not having to worry about how they’ll pay their whole hydro bill.
Optimism for the future is running high amongst recipients. Ernie Crummy feels like he’s won the lottery.
“I immediately went into my bank app and selected NL Hydro from my list of registered bill payees,” said Crummy. “Yea, I’ll still get charged interest on the amount owing but it feels so great to not have to worry about that half of the bill. I would have bought Premier Hogan a beer to thank him, if I had any money leftover.”
The premier’s office defended the payout as not just another economic stimulus boondoggle.
“The cost of living realities of life on the rock aren’t necessarily understood by the rest of the country,” stated Premier Hogan. “Unlike the Covid relief payouts, we’re doing this in a fiscally responsible way that won’t cause inflation. I hope that the residents who receive this money treat themselves to a small Tim Hortons coffee for paying off half an electricity bill. That’s no small feat!”
Economist agree that this payout was the perfect amount to offer residents a bit of financial relief while they lose their homes, their valuables, and their obligatory Home From Away CD recorded by the original cast.
“This level of cash, the increase in purchasing power, it’s unprecedented,” mused Dr. Tony Roy, a Professor Emeritus at Memorial University’s Economics department. “Luckily, these folks won’t blow all of it at Dollarama or Shoppers stocking up on supplies. This golden ticket is going exactly where it would help the most – the CEO bonus payout to Gail Williams.”
Currently, the province is looking to help residents in other ways such as a thoughts and prayers certificate, information on the benefits of a raw food diet, and reissue of the original cast recording of the Home From Away soundtrack.
