TORONTO – The TTC Shop has introduced a new item for sale: life size replicas of the large sticks operators still use to move the streetcar tracks for some reason.
“We’ve done quite well selling t-shirts and baby onesies with a bunch of subway stops on them,” said ttc chair Andy Byford. “But we know what every Torontonian really wants is their own personal symbol of our 19th century infrastructure!”
“For $5.00 more we’ll even get one of the Streetcar Operators to sign it for you!”
Consumers have been dying to get their hands on the 2X9 pieces of lumber that are vital to the transportation of thousands of people for months now.
“For me, this is bigger than the new iPhone release,” said Henry Shafter as he camped outside Union station, waiting for the sticks to go on sale. “I mean, where else could you get this? They definitely don’t sell these in New York or London”
Naturally the replicas will not have the same functionality as the actual streetcar sticks, lest purchasers be given the immense power to decide the direction streetcar tracks point.
Alongside the giant sticks, the TTC will also be releasing a line of commemorative tokens, a TTC brand perfume, and a sleeping medication taken by employees right before they start their shift.
