TORONTO – Running for re-election Mayor John Tory has promised voters that, with just one more term, he can complete his mission to make Toronto just as terrible to live in as it is crippli…
Tag: streetcar
Staring baby obviously looking for a fight
TORONTO – A fight nearly broke out on a streetcar earlier today between a fully-grown adult man and a two-month-old baby named Benjamin. Onlookers reported seeing the infant begin the fight by st…
Bombardier somehow misses deadline for train they weren’t contracted to make
MONTREAL – Following a long history of faulty products and broken contracts Quebec manufacturer Bombardier has missed a deadline for a train they were never contracted to make. “Our deepest…
TTC bus driver really wants you to know he’s having a great fucking day
TORONTO – At approximately 8:10 this morning, TTC bus driver Mick ‘Micky’ Dorland made an impromptu announcement to an overcrowded bus, letting them know that he’s “feelin’ fine”. “To be honest, …
Toronto Police replace 30 police cars with one environmentally friendly police streetcar
TORONTO – As part of an initiative to reduce TPS’ carbon footprint, 30 police cruisers have been replaced with one state of the art police streetcar. “We expect some growing pains for sure,…
Man who brought TTC into the 20th century resigns
TORONTO – Addressing a crowd of reporters, Andy Byford, the man who worked tirelessly for the last five years to bring the Toronto Transit Commission into the twentieth century made public …
TTC Shop to sell giant sticks operators still use to move streetcar tracks
TORONTO – The TTC Shop has introduced a new item for sale: life size replicas of the large sticks operators still use to move the streetcar tracks for some reason. “We’ve done quite well se…
Everybody wants that shirt off
By Big House Barry To the business woman I kept seeing in the park: Heyyyy baby. What you sayin’ girl? …Oh, I see, you’re too busy with what’s in that little pocket robot of yours. All full of ph…
TIFF UPDATE: Real celebrities show Canadian celebrities how it’s done
TORONTO – At Canada’s biggest entertainment event of the year, attendees are reporting that our country’s celebrities are being outdone by their American counterparts. “I was standing outsi…