ST. JOHN’S, NL – The Canadian housing crisis reached new heights this week with a renowned fiddler unable to afford a roof.
Viola Green, 35, a prolific fiddle player who has toured with major Canadian acts such as Great Big Ocean, Red Rodeo, and the unlicensed musical Go From Afar, shared the news on a podcast people listen to while driving to their second and third jobs.
“I hate to admit it… but these days I’m fiddling with the idea of changing my tune. I mean career,” said Green, “I’m just so strung out. I may have to bow out soon. I’m having trouble thinking of a rosin to go on.”
Green briefly considered transitioning to a career in musical theatre, but upon realizing that every artistic industry in Canada is fucked right now, she said, “Fiddlesticks.”
With the live music industry facing unprecedented challenges, Green has been supplementing her income by working as a barback at a vegan folk music bar, Fiddleheads, and playing second second fiddle in her local symphony. While she still can’t afford a roof, she has saved up nearly enough for a fourth wall after previously breaking it.
“I mean, why do you think I’m always on tour? Because touring musicians make so much money?” says Green. “No, it’s because at least the bus has a ceiling and the venue has a shower. Sometimes.”
Newly appointed Minister of Housing, Infrastructure and Communities Nathaniel B. Erskine-Smith was unavailable for comment on the crisis, as he was in transit between his homes in two of the most expensive cities in Canada and too busy jamming out to a Juno winners compilation as he drove.
At press time, Green still couldn’t afford a roof, as she had to take time off from work due to contracting shingles.
