PALM BEACH, FL — Following weeks of speculation about who Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump will choose to run with him as VP, reporters and political junkies have been thrown a curve ball with Canada’s Progressive Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre’s surprise announcement that he would be honoured to take on the role.
“Thanks to Justin Trudeau’s disastrous leadership, the Canadian people need someone who can stand up to woke extremists now more than ever, which is why I would be honoured to stand with Mr. Trump as his Vice President,” Poilievre stated at a Mar-a-Lago fundraiser, where he made his announcement.
Whether the new move is an attempt to appeal to conservative Canadian voters, raise his international profile, or just expand his options, Poilievre stated he is confident that as Vice President of the United States he can “axe the Liberals’ carbon tax, fix the housing crisis in Southern Ontario, and unite Canadians in building a better tomorrow.”
While some commentators were taken aback by Poilievre’s move, many praised the political savvy of pursuing office in a right-wing US government.
“Look, why don’t you come up with a better way to thread the needle between appealing to Maxime Bernier voters and not getting yourself endorsed by Alex Jones,” strategist Jim Bleun stated.
“Plus have you tried paying attention to Canadian politics? It is sooooo much less interesting than American politics. This is honestly the best way to get on the CBC at this point.”
Reached for comment, incumbent Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reportedly stated “How would that work? Would he like, be Prime Minister too? Should I be applying for this?” and then promised to do better in the future.
Meanwhile, insiders say the Trump campaign is seriously considering Poilievre for the VP slot. “I think he could help appeal to the demographic of guys who are looking to channel their anger in destructive ways but aren’t quite dumb enough to like RFK,” staffer Tim Swoil stated. “Plus Poilievre is smart, self-made, and way shorter than Mr. Trump, which is important.”
“And even if he doesn’t actually represent one of the 50 states, he could be very helpful in securing hometown pride votes. In focus groups 96% of the people who saw a picture of him thought he was ‘that guy I went to high school with who was a little to invested in getting the gym teacher’s approval.’”
At press time, Donald Trump had reportedly gone out of his way to greet Poilievre after confusing him for Marco Rubio.
