OTTAWA, ON ― A group of protesters trying to generate enough chaos to gather national publicity was forced to concede defeat today, after their efforts to impede traffic illegally were foiled by the legal impediment of traffic.
“For too long, the government has ignored our peaceful protests, so we decided to ramp it up. But every large road we found was already swarming with construction workers and pylons. Except the one closed for a marathon. The best we could do was block a dank side alley.”
“I think we did convert a few of the rats there to our side, though.”
Ottawa residents were largely unfamiliar with the protest. “Regional Road 44, huh? Used to take it every day, a good, direct route to work,” said banker Francois Gold. “Haven’t been able to drive there for months. Were they protesting the construction, maybe?”
“To really inconvenience people, they’d have to send us at least an hour out of our way, since everyone knows to add an extra half-hour’s buffer to literally any trip,” added Kyle Whiting, who owns a small restaurant on a nearby street.
“And even if they’d managed that, so what? Drivers would just move to Plan C, and between the weather and budget cuts, any frequent transport rider already knows better than to rely on Ottawa’s buses.”
The only ones who noticed the protesters were construction workers themselves, although this was still a fair number of people since half the city works in the industry. “They didn’t bother us, as such,” explained one. “Actually, we thought it funny when they threatened a hunger strike. With prices being what they are, most people I know are already starving themselves, and no politicians have taken notice of them.”
The protesters have not been discouraged and plan to return during the off-season, assuming they can find an open road that will take them out of Ottawa in the first place.
