Get your murder puns ready because iconic copaganda show Law & Order is heading north of the border! And while we could focus on CityTv’s choice to make yet another American spinoff instead of a Canadian original or the fact that this screams ‘cheap way to get around the WGA strike that stopped production of the U.S. version’ we thought it would be way more fun to fantasize about where exactly some recently murdered teacher/sex worker/generic businessman/cop who used to be partners with one of the leads before leaving the force 5 years before the start of the show could turn up.
1. CN Tower
Ok so this is a bit obvious. But picture it. A school field trip. A nervous 10 year old too scared to get on the glass floor. Finally they take a step on and smile. Only for that smile to turn into a scream as they look hundreds of feet down to see the bloody mess of a man The Toronto Daily Globe pegged as the next Mayor.
2. The Fountain Of Casa Loma
It’s the wedding of a young couple’s dreams. The band plays. The groomsmen and bridesmaids walk elegantly down the aisle. All that’s missing is the soon to be Mrs. Deliah Deveraux, heiress to her family’s Poutine empire. Unfortunately she doesn’t appear because she is floating in the waters of the fountain outside. There goes the Bride I guess.
3. Hockey Hall Of Fame
Specifically the part of the exhibit where you get to put on a goalie glove and blocker and try to save pucks. That has nothing to do with murder but it’s just the best part of the Hall and maybe the cast could have a go while they set up the lights. I guess if you’re going for memorable though you could put a severed head right in the Stanley Cup. Not gonna be drinking champagne out of that anytime soon. Plus think about how many vague, evergreen hockey related lines the security guards who find the body could say as they walk in. “Ref last night was a joke.” “McDavid is unstoppable.” “The Chicago Blackhawks covered up a sexual assault and now they get the number 1 pick!” Etc. Etc.
4. The Science Centre
Picture this: a school field trip. What we already did that? Ok. It’s not a field trip but just a group of 8 year olds who all decided to go to the Science Centre on the same day with their teacher. One ventures to that part where you can put your hand on the ball that sends enough static electricity to make your hair stand up. But instead of a moderately good time what does he find? Electrocuted to death it’s the man who came up with the idea to move the Science Centre to Ontario Place. Ooh. Local politics drama!
5. I don’t know. Just like, in the middle of Younge & Dundas Square I guess
So turns out Toronto doesn’t have a lot of “landmark” locations. We probably should have capped this list at 4 but apparently people click on listicles much more if the title has an odd number. So here we are solving a murder on our blatant rip-off tv show at the most blatant Times Square rip-off in the world. How did no one notice a murder taking place in the most crowded part of the city? Well that’s just one of the mysteries our ace detective team of Caleb Murdoch (great great grandson of Murdoch Mysteries guy) and washed out lacrosse star Max Howser will have to solve. Dun Dun!
