MILKY WAY – In a rare interview, God made a statement about how excited they were about the pockets in their universe. They then did a cute little twirl to show off said pockets, sending a few planets off their orbit in the process.
“Aren’t these little pocket dimensions the cutest? I really lucked out – they just sort of popped up on account of the eternal inflation of the universe and everything”, said God. “Speaking of eternal inflation, you should see my waistline, am I right ladies? Just kidding, I am incorporeal.”
God was eager to show onlookers just how much they could fit into their new pockets. “Lets see what I have in here”, they said, reaching into one of them. “This one is holding the answer to life’s purpose, the key to the gate to the afterlife… oh, and a pack of gum! Nice, it even has two pieces left!” They then proceeded to blow a bubble so big it pulled a few journalists into its gravity.
Though interviewers tried to use the rare audience to get God to comment on more pressing issues, like the climate crisis or the ongoing global pandemic, God only wanted to discuss their fashion. “Ugh, again with the whole ‘people are suffering!’ schtick. I have bigger things to worry about”, said God. “Like, I just keep getting black holes in all my galaxies, and I’m super not into the distressed look. I’m so glad we’re past the whole ‘ripped skinny universes’ trend.”
Despite being omnipotent, God has apparently faced some limitations in crafting their wardrobe. “As you may have guessed, I love me some DIY projects, so I have tried to make pockets for myself before”, they said. “Unfortunately, I ended up accidentally stretching the fabric of reality, and that material does not come cheap. I just donated that attempt to another dimension, so hopefully someone will get some good use out of it.”
God concluded the interview by excitedly realizing they had the perfect asteroid belt to match their new ensemble and promptly shoved Jupiter and Mars out of the way to try it on.
