Which dating app should you go crawling back to during Omicron? - The Beaverton
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Which dating app should you go crawling back to during Omicron?

Remember how last year, you were so sure you were done with the toxicity of online and said you would put an honest to God effort into meeting someone in person this year instead of just talking to people online? Well, I think we all know that’s not happening now with the rise of the variant. Maybe next time you’ll think about the likelihood of a globally infectious disease mutating before you make such a big declaration. Read this article to find out which popular app should redownload after swallowing what little self-esteem you rightly have left.

1.

The original cesspool of online harassment and catfishing, using this app is the simplest way to show you’ve accepted the futility of forming meaningful relationships during the pandemic. Just try not to think about if someone keeps track of how often you uninstalled and redownload this app because you already know the number is huge.

2.

Pre-COVID, this was the app you thought you could do better than. Well, this pandemic has put you right back in your place, so you might as well give it another shot. Just don’t try to use the new voice message feature because there is no way you can keep the shame out of your voice.

3. Christian Mingle

This might just be the best service to come back to with your tail between your legs as it might actually let you meet up with potential matches if your church has been allowed to stay open. Plus, you can lie to yourself and anyone else who asks that this is a way to reconnect to your faith and not an act of desperation. Now the only thing you’ll have to worry about is getting doxed by some creeper in front of your pastor.

4. Wingman

The idea behind this app is that your friends make a profile for you and match accordingly. Not that you didn’t already know that, having probably thought it would be less embarrassing to begrudgingly go back to a lesser-known app. If you’ve got absolutely no problem with admitting you had absolutely no alternate strategy in mind when you swore off dating apps, then use this as an excuse to get in touch with your least judgemental.

5. A-Date: The Dating app for Nazis

Ok, this one you should probably only consider using if you really need to go on a date this year. You probably downloaded this app at a low point in your life, which you have to admit is pretty close to where you’re at now. At least you’re more likely to actually meet this person IRL as they likely think this disease is a hoax.