BRANTFORD, ON – In an escalating confrontation with a rodent, local resident and amatuer botanist Shelly Hargrove has exhausted her home’s supply of chili powder, turmeric, and other spices to protect her garden.
Over $500 worth of food seasonings have been dispersed across the 0.1 acre flower and vegetable garden in a vain effort to deter the gray squirrel from his constant digging and chewing.
Fogs of paprika masked the flowerbeds while craters left behind by the squirrel remained open collecting water like a scene from the Western Front.
“Gas! Gas! Gas!” yelled Hargrove donning protective equipment before launching 10 kg worth of ground cinnamon into the air taking into the tulips. “With this, and the pepper flakes, and the Montreal steak spice, he won’t be back again.”
…He can’t be back again,” added the shell-shocked horticulturalist whose year long feud with the squirrel left her with a thousand-yard stare.
Last week, neighbours mistook the 56-year-old’s house for an Indian restaurant after the gardener deployed all of her curry powder and cumin near the bird feeder.
“I need more nutmeg! Get me more nutmeg!” demanded Hargrove to her husband. “We have to protect the rhododendrons at all costs!”
According to late breaking reports, Hargrove is considering salting the earth which would kill the plants, but the squirrel would never be back again.
